Ask eris anything: The Advice Column Thread

[Ski]

Dear eris,

Every time I eat mexican food I fart...alot.

Why does this only happen to me with mexican food?

-all gassy like

[Jadian]

Dear eris -

I have a sneaking suspicion I'm about to be fired. Again. Why doesn't this keep happening to me? Can I come work for you some more?

- former former lackey

[3peanuts]

Dear Eris

I'm having problems handling my rage and disgust for humanity recently, do you think buying that wonderful purse I saw yesterday may help?

Thanks for your help

[erisesoteric]

Originally posted by Branflakes:
Dear eris,

That's what I've let you think. So, should I change therapists? I think my current one is inexperienced.

--Still Plotting Posting Queen

<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">I'm sorry you're so insecure about your post count. Perhaps you're compensating for other inadequecies?

[erisesoteric]

Originally posted by Ski:
Dear eris,

Every time I eat mexican food I fart...alot.

Why does this only happen to me with mexican food?

-all gassy like

<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">Because mexican food makes you fart.

[erisesoteric]

Originally posted by Jadian:
Dear eris -

I have a sneaking suspicion I'm about to be fired. Again. Why doesn't this keep happening to me? Can I come work for you some more?

- former former lackey

<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">OK, fine. And make sure Bran follows you to my "home" again.

[erisesoteric]

Originally posted by 3peanuts:
Dear Eris

I'm having problems handling my rage and disgust for humanity recently, do you think buying that wonderful purse I saw yesterday may help?

Thanks for your help

<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">Buy the purse. Humanity=bad. Purse=pretty. Just stare at the purse when humanity gets you down. And, if humanity gets in your face, whack them with the purse.

[Jelymo]

dear eris,

so many people want me these days, i just can't keep up. i have to balance my love for these people on a daily basis, yet each demand more of me. i'm not sure what more i can do or how much more i can give. what do i do??

-love is a battlefield

ps: all my lovers are women.

[Ski]

dear eris,

I understand how cheese is made but what I don't get is how do they make the flavor? I.E. swiss, colby, chedder ect.

P.S. please give me a better answer than "cause thats the flavor they used."

-Cheese Boy

[erisesoteric]

Originally posted by Parker Girl:
Dude! I got all the way through this thread, and it talks about oral sex, orgasms, farting, violence and death!

All all I can say, Eris dear, is on your rise to fame and stardom as an advice giver, make sure you hire better stock market folks than Martha.

If you need some Parker girls, let me know.

Do you suppose Peanuts could get ninja-assasin training with her purse?

<font size="2" face="Comic sans ms, Helvetica, sans-serif">I'm keeping you in mind, m'dear. The ninja lesbian doesn't have as many friends as she thinks she does. And I think Peanuts would make an excellent replacement.